Holy Shit, Williamez: Where You Been?

Hi J.Williamez fans and friends from around the globe!

So it's been a while since my last blog post, but don't worry: That doesn't mean I don't love you! And it certainly doesn't mean that I've stopped my important work on J.WILLIAMEZ: 52 SONGS! I will achieve world domination yet!

Since my last post, I've recorded a bunch of new songs! I'm gonna squish them all into this one post, because, frankly, that's how I roll. Also, you'll notice that I'm a few weeks behind at this point in the game, but don't fret: that's also how I roll. I've been working pretty hard on my fringe show for this year (called: "The Ballad of Peter Cotton Balls"), so if you've got a problem with that, you can suck it! ;)

Here is a brief description (and a handy link) to all the songs I've put out since my last blog post:

(10) If a Tree Falls

This song is about mimes and how shifty and untrustworthy I find them to be. I don't advocate violence towards them, necessarily, but I do believe that if you give them your change, you're simply encouraging the scourge on our society that is mime-ism, or mimery or whatever you call it.

If you don't think mimes are shifty, then consider this: What would YOU do if you were caught in an invisible box?  I can tell you what I'D do: I'd scream my fucking head off for help. I would not be asking for change, that's for sure!

(10) If a Tree Falls



(11) Naked Fat Girl

This song is the true story and a slice of life living in Osborne Village. It's pretty self explanitory, and I certainly don'y want to give away the twist surprise ending to the song, so just have a listen!

(11) Naked Fat Girl



(12) Sad Sad World

Writing this one was a lot of fun, and I learned 2 very valuable lessons:

1. If you write a song about baby on baby rape and throw a little bit of Time Travel Hitler in there, your mom probably won't like the song. Mine sure doesn't.

2. If you write a song making fun of your cat for being fat and getting poo stuck in her butt hair, there is a good chance that she's get the Leon Trotskies and then sit on your chest smearing her runny poo all over you as the ultimate revenge. Mine sure did.

(12) Sad Sad World

(13) Lonely Iguana

Lonely Iguana was the first of a set of three songs, that I've sort of been calling my "Strange Reflective Phase". It's the story of a sad, lonely iguana, who has loved and lost, and isn't sure if he can ever let himself be vulnerable again.

This song includes what is unquestionably the greatest keyboard solo in the history of music. Have a listen and tell me I'm wrong!

(13) Lonely Iguana


(14) I Don't Care

This song is what happens when you spend too much time on the internet. In it, I feel like I was able to successfully alienate every single person I know, including myself... It's a fun one!

Normally I'd say I hope you like, but for this one, I genuinely don't care.

 (14) I Don't Care



(15) Apricot

This one, despite having generated zero interest from anyone, is probably one of my favourites so far. It's not really funny--just really weird, but musically, I'm really happy with the way it turned out! Also, I feel like another weird surrealist song was the great way to end off my "Strange Reflective Phase".

(15) Apricot


(17) The Nerdy Worm Gets the Birds

This is my most recent song, and one thing is for sure: This one is for the Ladies!

The idea for "The Nerdy Worm Gets the Birds" came to me as I was memorizing pi to the 23rd decimal spot for no good reason. I realized that doing something that cool would no doubt make me completely irresistible to the ladies (who as we all know are attracted to nerdy wimpy types), so I figured I'd write a song out of it to get maximum lady-mileage.

(17) The Nerdy Worm Gets the Birds



Well, that's all for now, but keep checking back, as I've got a lot more songs coming your way in the next few weeks, including "Robot Love" and "An Open Letter to Kevin Bacon"!

16 down, 36 to go!